A cross between Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior and the classic Yogananda Paramahansa’s Autobiography of a Yogi, This Incredible Longing: Finding My Self in a Near-Cult Experience is a memoir about devotion, discernment, and the complicated beauty of spiritual seeking.

Blair Glaser thoughtfully stepped onto a path promising peace and purpose when she found Siddha Yoga, a movement led by a charismatic Indian guru and shaped by a community that would later be called a high-control group. What she found there wasn’t exploitation: it was healing. Within the ashram’s structure, she discovered confidence, calm, and belonging she’d never known.

But when the guru returned to India, cracks began to show. Blair’s depression resurfaced. Hypocrisies emerged. A looming exposé of the heinous truths about Gurumayi and her teacher, her parents’ intervention, and a flicker of envy sparked by a “Friends” episode created a reckoning she could no longer ignore.

This Incredible Longing is a story about the willingness to seek, and how looking for oneself by idealizing another human is simultaneously thrilling and dangerous. It is a story of awakening without bitterness that explores the fi ne line between transformation and entrapment, and the strength it takes to walk away with both eyes open.

“This isn’t a story about finding the light. It’s about walking through the dark and learning how to see.” —Kaitlyn Herman, ICF Certified Life Coach / Wellness Influencer

“A wise and emotionally generous account of a period of transformational growth by an author who is well-equipped to carry the dialectic truth that even an imperfect environment can give birth to a life-changing experience.” —Oliver Radclyffe, author Frighten the Horses

“This memoir will resonate strongly with anyone who had a quarter-life crisis that led them to make questionable choices as young adults; anyone who rejected the faith they were programmed to grow up in, in order to find their true spiritual nature; and anyone who ever longed to feel as if they belonged, which is everyone.” —Sari Botton, Oldster Magazine editor; author And You May Find Yourself

“Glaser’s writing is evocative, relatable, and humorous. It’s a relief to read a book that does not take a hard line for or against a place, but rather explores the greater longing in human beings, and how places and institutions can both serve and exploit at once. Nothing is easy—Glaser demonstrates this in her heartfelt examination and tender exploration.” —Anna Rollins, author Famished: On Food, Sex, and Growing Up as a Good Girl 

“What draws us to spiritual communities, and where is the line between devotion and delusion? With wit and candor, Glaser reveals the tensions between belonging and autonomy, leaving seekers of all kinds with a nuanced take on faith, power, and personal transformation.” —Jeffrey Davis, author Tracking Wonder

“For anyone who has gotten lured into something you are not quite sure about, but you felt the need to follow your impulse to explore it. Blair Glaser’s This Incredible Longing takes us inside the relatable journey of getting drawn into a cult (or something that might be a cult?) with the wisdom and self-awareness of a tale brilliantly told 30 years after it happened. If you are a searcher with longings of your own, you will love this book.” —Sasha Cagen, author Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics

“This Incredible Longing is Blair Glaser’s memoir of how a smart, skeptical New Yorker got pulled into the glow of a near-cult—and why she’s still grateful for what she found there. Equal parts funny, heartbreaking, and uncomfortably familiar, it’s the story of how longing can make us vulnerable, how gurus thrive on our hunger, and how you can walk away carrying both scars and gifts.  —Daniella Mestyanek Young, Author of Uncultured and The Culting of America